When we are children we spent most of our time at school. I haven’t meet a single child who wouldn’t be happy to skip the school sometimes. As a result, there are so many jokes about the school so it was hard to select only a few of them for your review.
Here is a typical kids joke about school:
– Dad? Can you write in the dark?
– Yes of course.
– Could you sign my report card?
50+ jokes about school
|The teacher asks the students: |
– In the following sentence: The patient is dead as a result of his affection, where is the subject?
– At the cemetery, Mrs. Campbell!
|A little girl says to her father: |
– Dad! I almost got 10 out of 10 on my test!
– It is very good. But why almost?
– It just missed the 1 before zero …
|Little Johnny returns from school: |
– Dad, Mom! I’ve won a spelling bee at school!
– Congratulations, Johnny, you can choose a gift.
– Umm … a bicycle!
– Johnny, since you are a champion in the spelling bee, can you spell the word bicycle?
– Actually, I would prefer a bike…
|The teacher asks students: |
– Where did Napoleon die?
– On page 38 of the history book.
|– Billy, spell me the word “mouse”. |
– m, o, u, s.
– And in the end?
– Oh yes, there is a tail!
|The math teacher asks John: |
– If I give you 2 rabbits, and 2 more rabbits, and 2 more rabbits, how many do you have?
– No, John. Let’s start again: 2 apples and 2 more apples and 2 more apples, how many?
– That’s good, so why are you talking about 7 rabbits?
– Because I already have one at home.
|As the school year had just begun, the teacher asked the students: |
Can someone name eight animals whose name starts with “K” and who lives in Australia?
A student raised his hand.
– Yes, Marry?
– Five koalas and three kangaroos!
|The teacher asks Marry: |
– What did you do during spring break?
– Not much. In any case, surely not enough to write.
|Fred’s father is surprised that he has not yet received his son’s report card and asks him why: |
– Did you receive your report card, Fred?
– Yes, I did. But I gave it to Paul so he could scare his parents!
|– Oh, look, Dad, a shooting star! exclaims Lea.|
– I hope you had time to make a wish.
– Yes, I hope it will come true, otherwise, I will get F in geography test!
– Oh? What was your wish?
– That London becomes the capital of Italy.
|Billy says to his sister: |
– I would have liked to live in the Middle Ages!
– Why Billy?
– Because I would have had less history to learn!
|Elementary school teacher to his students: |
– Children, what do you get from a chicken?
– Children, what do you get from a cow?
– What do you get from a pig?
|Mother wants to wake her son: |
– Paul, get up, you will be late for school.
– Please, Mom, let me sleep a little bit more.
– No, it’s really time, please wake up!
– But I don’t want to … The kids annoy me and the teachers really annoying!
– Stop it, get up!
– Oh Mom, tell me at least two good reasons why I have to go to the stupid school.
– First, you’re 45 years old and second, you’re the school principal!
|Teacher to the class: |
– Anyone who thinks he is stupid, please stand up.
Little Johnny is the only one up.
– Johnny, why did you get up? Do you think you’re stupid?
– No, but I didn’t want to leave you there alone.
|At the Chemistry class: |
– What happens to gold when left in the open air?
– It gets stolen…
|The teacher at the school has developed a new system that encourages students to learn something over the weekend. |
On Friday before dismissal:
– Dear students. Anyone who can answer a question I ask on Monday will be given two days off.
The children keep guessing all weekend. They spent two days preparing for class.
On Monday the teacher asks:
– Well, my question: how many trees are in the Yellowstone national park?
Silence. Nobody knows.
On the following Friday the teacher repeats:
– Dear students. Anyone who can answer a question I ask on Monday will be given two days off.
Everyone studies hard, except Little Johnny.
Instead, he takes two chicken eggs out of the refrigerator, glues them together, paints them black, takes them to school on Monday and places them on the teacher’s desk.
The teacher enters the class, immediately looks at the desk and shouts:
– What’s happening? Who made these two black eggs?
Little Johnny jumps up and shouts:
– Little Johnny junior. See you on Wednesday!
|Biology teacher asks his class: |
– If I turn myself upside down, more and more blood flows into my head. But if I stand on my feet, that does not happen. What do you think, why is it so?
– Because your feet are not hollow, sir.
|The mother scolds her son: |
– Instead of sitting here in front of the TV, you’d better help your Dad with your homework!
|– What does a light-year mean? a father tests his son.|
– The electricity bill for twelve months!
|Little Johnny gets sick and the doctor prescribes medicine. |
– Does this prescription have side effects?
– Yes, tomorrow you can go back to school!
|– Billy, what’s the last letter of the alphabet?|
– Of course, it’s the letter “T”.
– Are you sure about that? Wouldn’t it be the letter “Z”?
– No, sir, if that was the case, it would be “alphabetZ”.
|Little Johnny hurries his mom:|
– Dress me up quick!
– Why are you in such a hurry?
– My friends are waiting for me at school.
– And what are you doing with your friends?
– We fight!
|Mom comes to pick up her child from the kindergarten. She sees that all children in the sandbox are sitting with their phones, but the teacher is sleeping on a bench.|
– Why are you sleeping? Your children will run away!
– No, they won’t. We have Wi-Fi only inside the sandbox!
|In Science class the teacher says:|
– Every day a mole eats an amount of food equal to its own weight.
– How does the mole know how much it weighs?
– Little Johnny, what do you think should be the ideal school?
– Locked, Mrs. Campbell!
– It’s just amazing how one person can make so many mistakes in a tiny essay!
– Why one person? Together with dad!
|Biology class. The teacher says:|
– Billy, name the three best friends of humans.
– Dog, cat, fish.
– Good. Now you, Marry.
– Book, parrot, hamster.
– Excellent, well done. And now Little Johnny.
– Computer, phone, fridge.
– The human body is about 70% water. Cucumber is about 90% water.
– With the help of mathematics, we can calculate that the human body is 50% cucumber!
|From the school essay: “The forest was quiet because the animals walk without shoes.”|
|Chemistry class. Teacher:|
– Which substances do not dissolve in water?
A student quickly responds:
|I spent a whopping 12 years at school, and I only learned three things: |
Count, Read, and Rite!
|– An abstract concept is something that cannot be touched, but what can be thought of. |
Can anyone give an example?
– Yes. White hot iron.
|Year 3000. English language class.|
– Children, remember the main punctuation rule: don’t put commas after emojis!
– Marry, tell me which form is the word “pants”: singular or plural?
– If you look from the top – singular, and from the bottom – plural.
|– Children, what happens if 8 is divided in half?|
– If divided horizontally, then two zeros, and if vertically, then two threes.
|It turns out that all dinosaurs were the same. |
Just different archaeologists assembled them in different ways.
|Mom wakes up her son in the morning:|
– Get up! You will be late for school!
The son, from under the blanket:
– Mom! Why hurry? School is open all day!
– What happens if you subtract 1 from 100?
– Two zeroes.
– Today I was first to raise my hand when the teacher asked the question!
– And what was the question?
– Is there anybody who can’t solve the problem?
|A girl went to school for the first time. Mother asks her:|
– So tell me how was the first day of school?
– Oh my god! Was it only a first day?! Don’t tell me that I have to there again!
|Biology class. |
– There are such insects that only live one day.
– They are so lucky. Whole life is a birthday!
|Mother tells Billy:|
– Dad and I made New Year resolutions. Dad will quit smoking, I quit eating sugar.
What about you?
– Can I quit school?
|– Billy, which animal is the most lazy?|
– It eats, sits and even walks while lying down.
|– Honey, why don’t you want to go to school?|
– Because it’s not fair. The teachers demand us to know every subject. But they only know one.
– Billy, let’s assume you had four apples. You gave half to Johnny.
How much do you have now?
– Three and a half.
|A girl tells her mother:|
– You know, our teacher has never seen a horse!
– Why do you think so?
– Well, I drew a horse and she asked me “What is it?”
|– Mom, do you know a shape called noangle?|
– Is it a circle?
|Grandma played school with her granddaughter. Only after two weeks, she figured out that all this time she was doing her granddaughter’s homework.|
|– Marry, honey, do you know the Alphabet?|
– I do.
– So which letters go after A?
– All remaining ones.
– Today we will talk about the opera. Who knows what opera is?
– I know. It’s when one person shoots another and the latter sings for 15 minutes before falling on the ground.
|Teacher: Billy, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’ |
Teacher: No, that’s wrong.
Billy: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
|Chemistry class: |
– What is the chemical formula for water?
– What are you talking about?
– Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
– How do you call a person who is talking for a long time even when people stopped listening?
– A teacher.
|Q: What is the table that does not have legs? |
A: the multiplication table!
|Q: So, how do you say vet in English?|
A: Very easy: Dog-tor.